I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize