i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
