Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
