can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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