You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
