You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
