apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
