To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Randomize
