I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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