i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
