My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
