Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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