i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
