So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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