shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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