We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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