....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
