based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize