Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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