We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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