you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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