I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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