It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
