We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So many bounce houses so little time
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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