Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
