that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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