Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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