Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize