3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
