I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
