she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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