So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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