hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
