yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
