I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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