She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
