Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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