Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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