Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
