we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
where does the pee come out of this thing
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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