I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
