Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
