they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
