my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
