I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
