these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
