you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
