you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
