that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
