Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
