Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
