Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
