You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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