i wish my penis had a tongue
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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