on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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