Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
