You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
