Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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