I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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