at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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