You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize