This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
