I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
