just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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