are you still at the devil's house?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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