i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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