i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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