You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
