I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
