I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
