I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
