He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
so much tequila, so little girl.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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