I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
