Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
