It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
