God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize