It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
