just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
